You won the election. Nobody else ran. The Board, 214 homeowners, the Newsletter, and Curb Appeal are all watching — please one, answer to another, every month.

Forty cubic yards of mulch arrive on your driveway, because the delivery form listed the president's address, and you are the president now. Nine feet at the peak.

The annual audit is off by eleven dollars. Three residents have offered to pay it. The treasurer says that is not the point. It is month four of this.

A lawn gnome named Gerald has been cited under a statuary rule drafted in 1987. Gerald predates the rule, the committee, and most of the committee's members.

The tennis players hold the court by bylaw; the pickleball players hold it by showing up. Both sides have filed petitions. The petitions share nine signatures.

A resident's goat — registered as an emotional support animal, named Chairman — is technically livestock inside city limits. The citation is addressed to the association. Chairman eats, specifically, compliance notices.